Resolutions and Reresolutions

One thing I love about new year’s is the ability to make resolutions.

This year I’ll work out more, drink less, take better care of myself, do laundry more often, clean my house, call my friends more, blah blah blah…. And then 10 days go by and you realize you haven’t done any of those things and then what? Fail, a total life fail.

Well, given new year’s seems like a pretty arbitrary time to go ahead and do a full life makeover, i feel like two weeks after new years is just as good.

So here are my reresolutions…  And in the spirit of practicality, I’m actually going to try to make them attainable this year…

1. Work out more – now, I know this is everyone’s new years resolution but here’s how i see it. I barely work out at all now, so any amount of physical activity is an improvement and would therefore meet my goal.  For those of you who haven’t seen my apt, i live in a 4 story walk up, so really my goal is to one day come home and not be out of breath by the time i get in the front door.  shoot for the stars, that’s what mom always said!
2. Go on more vacation – last year i only took 3 days vacation, this year that is all going to change.  So far France is almost booked, and bvi is in talks.  Life’s short, eat dessert first, and try and do it in as many countries as possible
3. Drink more v8 – thanks to my last year’s discovery that I really like v8 i went to costco and bought 48 cans of it that now sit on the window sill in the kitchen.  I would love to get that down to a level that actually fits in the fridge.  Again, shooting high
4. Try to find respectable people to date Go on more dates – Like wishing myself thinner, it seems unlikely that I will find a boyfriend from the warmth and comfort of my own bed, although that would be kinda awesome if that were possible, so going on more dates might increase the chances of finding someone to date on a more regular basis.
5. Shop more – that’s right, i said shop more not less.  See over the past few years I’ve bought almost nothing and the somethings i did buy tend to be cheap and ill-fitting.  Thanks to a reasonable paycheck and my sister’s new found employment at a fabulously work appropriate retail chain, my wardrobe can get the makeover it truly deserves, which brings me to my next reresolution
6. Try not to look like shit everyday – Boston is a small town and the frequency with which i seem to run into people keeps increasing.  Therefore if i looked nicer a tad more often, i would increase the possibility of not looking like shit when those unexpected run-ins occur and thereby increase my own self image and my perceived image from others, which might in turn land me more dates… my own little virtuous cycle, how cute

I think that should do for a start.  Not a total betty, but a vast improvement.

And now it’s time for the dreaded Sunday night consultant shuffle…. pack the bag, check in for the flight, get ready for another week…

2009 in review

I’m sick.  And have been now for two days.  My roommate is also sick, so our little apartment is a symphony of coughing, sneezing and moaning from body aches.

As a result, I have spent the last two days in bed doing work, napping, watching hulu and generally complaining.  With all this time on my hands I realized that I had never properly closed 2009 and made my predictions and resolutions for 2010.  So here it goes.

The world has collectively come to the conclusion that 2009 was a bad year.  The recession was in full swing, people were losing their jobs daily, the world was a rather unpleasant place.  And let me tell you, I couldn’t disagree more.  2009 was a fantastic year, you just had to look at it right.

Being perpetually ahead of the curve, I lost my job in 2008, so by the time 2009 came around I was already collecting unemployment.  I started this year living in an adorable one bedroom apartment in New York, napping daily on a fabulous green couch, barely ever wearing pants, and blogging everyday.  A lifestyle I was unfortunately unable to convert into sustainable living.

Now don’t get me wrong it was not all fun and games.  I had no income, I lived in a $2400/month apartment and I likened my self worth to every failed job opportunity that came in front of me.  But in retrospect the only thing I regret was not going on vacation more.  I had all the time in the world and was so worried I’d never find a job (which is frankly ridiculous, hellooo? it’s me, i’m awesome, duh i’ll find a job) that I never allowed myself to take a break.

Then in May I started working again, and have been sprinting since.  I fell in love with consulting, started hating consulting, fell in love with it again and on.

I have learned more about myself in the last year than most do in a decade.  Here’s a brief list:

1. I love v8, not sure why i never knew that before

2. I kinda rock and therefore should just relax once in a while.  Life’s short, eat dessert first or at least stop driving yourself crazy

3. NY and Boston are both fabulous cities and I’m thrilled to have gotten the chance to live in both of them (although if someone could let me know which I prefer that would be awesome since at some point in the next few years I’d like to buy an apt and knowing what city you want to live in is always a good first step)

4. My friends and family also kind of rock.  They are supportive and funny and caring and a ton of fun.  I’d say I’m blessed to have them, but generally when I read that I tend to vomit in my mouth and expect a praise jesus speech to follow it, so let’s just leave it as “they rock”

5. Blogging is therapy.  As previously discussed, I don’t like to talk about my feelings, in fact nothing makes me go Mooommmmmmm more than when my mom tries to talk to me about my blog.  But somehow I’ve figured out an outlet that both keeps me sane and let’s other people know what’s going on in my life.  The person who invented blogging is a total genius.

6. If I could figure out a way to view 2009 as a good year, 2010 is going to be great.  Hopefully I’ll be smart enough this year to enjoy the ride and not just the view looking back

Happy 2010!

New Year’s adventures

It’s new year’s eve.  My friend Kelli (names changed to protect the innocent) and I have now been lying on a couch watching television for 9 hours straight.  Here’s what we have accomplished so far..

1. We did not go skiing.  Yes, that’s right.  we have flown 3000 miles carrying ski gear and decided we were too lazy to actually go skiing.  Now that’s dedication.

2. We made bloody mary’s

3. We watched Jersey Shore, keeping up with the kardashians, and the OC.

What a way to bring in the new year…

And now I have given everyone fake names for the blog.  In the true spirit of nevada, everyone gets a name with an i

Kelli, Spici, Luci, big peter, paul, the situation, and the two random people who just walked in but haven’t introduced themselves yet.

See for most of the day it was just kelli and I being  bums.  Now the entire house is full and kelli and I are still sitting on the couch and instead of going to join the party, we shut the door so we can hear seinfeld clearer.  awesome.  note to self: new year’s resolutions should include trying to be more social and friendly

[this is the part where i relay all the stories from last night, now that i went ahead and gave everyone fake names.  but really i'm too tired, so i'll just leave it to your imagination]

Adventures in Tahoe

Here’s a little riddle:

What happens when you take a consultant, a banker, a PE guy, and an entrepreneur stick them in a gorgeous cabin with no cell phone reception on a mountain near lake tahoe in a blizzard.

Do they…

a. Cherish the awe inspiring winter wonderland around them

b. Appreciate every second of their lack of connectivity and their bosses inability to find them

c. Sit on the couch each with a laptop in hand, not talking to each other and surfing the internet instead

d. All of the above

These boots were made for walking

Now maybe it’s my absurd sense of humor, the kind that finds someecards actually quite hilarious, or mabye it’s because I’m a single 20 something who enjoys partying with her other absurd single 20 something (and 30 something) friends but so far this is my favorite gift of the season.

Go ahead, check it out, i’ll wait…

That’s right, a walk of shame kit.  Now this is hilarious for oh so many reasons

1. If you are my age and still doing the walk of shame, you have problems.  First, at this stage let’s try stepping it up a notch and dating someone with a car, shall we?  And second, what are we 19?  Who still does the walk of shame???
2. It comes with a pen.  If you are stranded at some boy’s house and you had the good sense to  bring along your walk of shame kit (which by the way, implies you KNEW you were going home with someone and since you clearly don’t already have these things at his house, that makes you a premeditated slut, there I said it) WHY WOULD YOU NEED A PEN???  To write down their number?  Hello, we have cell phones! Again, what are we 19?
3. I totally know someone who I need to buy this for.

I’m still evaluating what this means about the current state of my life…

RIP Britney Murphy

Now, since every celebrity on earth seems to be saying their final goodbyes this year, I clearly can’t pay homage to all of them.  That said, given the frequency with which I quote the movie Clueless, I thought some recognition was due.

“No shit, you guys got Coke here.”

“Why should I listen to you??? You’re a virgin, who can’t drive.”

So dear Tai, RIP, I hope you are up in heaven rolling with the homies. (but you have to say it while moving your hands in a wave motion and singing to a totally different tune then the actual song.)

Fa la la la la, la la la laaaa

Today is my company holiday party.  The yearly non-denominational get together where people of all ethnicities and religions can come together in an appropriate festive environment.  My company has decided to hold this year’s party at a member’s only club, think country club minus the golf course, in beacon hill.  Because I mean really, what says non-denominational celebrating than a waspy uptight exclusive club that doesn’t even allow women to be members and i’m willing to bet wouldn’t allow Jews either.  I don’t know about you, but when I hear that I think “man, what a lovely place to celebrate all of our collective differences in a warm inviting atmosphere.”

Not sure exactly who dropped the ball on this one but as a Jew and woman, I’m thinking double whammy and I’m out.  Jews and Muslims? you can wait by the door.  Women? are you barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen? fine. oh, you’re independent, self sufficient and highly indignant? hmmm this might not work out too well…

But in true waspy fashion dinner will consist of gin and vodka, no food, and if all goes well the inappropriate partner will make a pass at his assistant in front of the whole office, causing much entertainment.  The secret gossipy partner will wander around trying to figure out who in the office is hooking up with whom.  The lush partner will figure out a way to buy unnecessarily expensive bottles of champagne, and the grumpy partner will be… well, grumpy.

Maybe the true meaning of Christmas is having the opportunity to make fun of the people around you and the wisdom to know that they are making fun of you as well.

Stupid effing feelings

Some girls are onions.  They are complicated, they have layers, they induce crying a lot.

I am not an onion.

In fact, I like to pretend or at least appear as though I have no feelings at all.  I am more like a nut.  I have an incredibly hard shell that is very hard to crack but I’m all gooey on the inside.  On second thought, that’s not a nut at all.  It’s…  It’s more like  bronze plated Cadbury Cream Egg.

I am a bronze plated Cadbury Cream Egg.

(Which by the way, did you know they sell those things all year long now.  It could be the middle of winter and all you need to do is go to your local CVS and have your own mini spring time easter egg parade.)

In addition to pretending to have no feelings, I am also the most cynical person I know.  And frankly this combination has been working for me for quite some time now.  I am the kind of girl that when they get out of a relationship, they cut all ties and they never look back.  No regrets, no brooding, no moping, good riddance to bad rubbish and move on.

It is with this is mind that I am very sad to report that I am unequivocally not over my exboyfriend.  In fact, I have now spent the last few days attempting to work out scenarios in my head where we could get back together.

Proof: On my way home from the airport last night Boyz II Men came on the radio and I thought of him.  BOYS II MEN!!!!!  I am the most cynical person on earth and the cheesiest song on earth came on the radio and I thought of him.

Blaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh

In case you missed it, that was me vomiting all over myself.

So now I’m stuck with this impossible situation where I know we can’t get back together (logic says that if we could we would have made it work one of the previous 7000 times we broke up and got back together) but knowing that we are a really great match.

Life would be so much easier if I could actually have no feelings and not just pretend.

Stupid effing feelings

A win for the good guys

Yesterday I went to the gym, cooked myself a healthy dinner, and used my electric toothbrush.

We’re calling it a win for the good guys

Bag takes Manhattan

To begin this story, let me introduce today’s main character: bag.  Bag is a 19 inch rolling tumi suitcase.  He’s cute, small, black with a big white scuff mark on the front and very portable.  I feel like at this point bag should have a real name, like frank or melvin, but alas, he’s still bag.  And he is most definitely a man.  I’d say this because he was dragged all over nyc in the pouring rain and freezing cold and didn’t complain not even once, but that would be sexist.  Instead let’s go with because he allows me to drag him up and down flights of stairs, bang, push, shove and punch him and he is always there for me whenever I need him.  Clearly no woman would put up with that behavior.

So bag accompanied me Saturday morning very early when I flew from Boston to NYC.  Bag was not especially happy with me as I crammed him so full of stuff even his outside pockets were begging “please no more” but he was trooper none the less.  Let’s go through Saturday’s itinerary:

• 9:30 – Delta shuttle BOS – NYC
• 11:30 – Brunch at favorite brunch place with hoodlum and hoodlum’s new boyfriend
• 2:00 – Start getting ready for cousin’s engagement party
• 4:00 – Go see the Rockette’s Christmas Extravaganza Spectacular at Radio City Music Hall
• 6:30 – Finish getting ready for cousin’s engagement party
• 8:00 – Actually attend cousin’s engagement party

Saturday was clearly going to be a busy day.  In actuality, the events of Saturday went a little differently.  See when I left Boston it was reasonably warm outside so I brought my lighter jacket.  When I got to NY, that was clearly not the case.  It was cold and freezing and raining and miserable.  That’s right, cold and freezing.  So I did what any insane non-thinking person would do 3 weeks before Christmas in the busiest city on earth, I decided that after brunch, bag, the hoodlum, hoodlum’s new boyfriend, and I would go to Macy’s and buy me a coat.

We should probably pause here for a minute and recap.

3 weeks before Christmas the person who has panic attacks with large crowds decided it was a good idea to go to the most famous location of the most famous department store on earth to search for a winter coat, which just so happens to be on the same floor as santa’s workshop.  If being stuck in the middle seat on a 15 hour flight to Japan next to a man with sleep apnea isn’t hell, this certainly is.

Oh and I brought luggage.  Nothing makes pushing through crowds easier than bringing luggage.

In actuality it wasn’t that bad.  Hoodlum’s BF carried bag and I found a coat (it’s cute and black and I’ve been looking for a new coat for a while) and bag got to see Macy’s at Christmas time, a treat for all NY tourists.

Unfortunately we forgot to take pictures of Bag at Macy’s, but trust us he had a good time.

Then team awesome went to get ready for cousin’s engagement party and due to some scheduling mishaps on my part didn’t quite leave enough time for bag to go play at my friend’s house where I would be spending the night, so bag joined us at Radio City as well.

It was at this point that we realized bag was getting the full New York Christmas treatment.  Macys and Radio City?  All we needed was a camera and Tumi’s Christmas ad campaign could be complete.  In fact I think we should suggest that for next year and I’m trademarking that now so if they do it they totally owe me money.  I’m pretty sure claiming a trademark isn’t the same thing as actually having rights, but maybe i’ve shown intent to trademark or something like that and it would work.  Anyway, I digress.

So bag came to Radio City and for the first time in many many years the Hoodlum and I got the joy of experiencing the Radio City Christmas Extravaganza.  See don’t let our names fool you, or our religion for that matter, we LOVE christmas and we LOVE being cheesy and we LOVE The Rockettes.  The show was awesome… tap dancing, big numbers, the nutcracker performed by teddy bears, santa, toy soldiers, you name it they had it.  And the whole thing was great…. until the end.  That’s when they brought Jesus out.

Now I know you’re thinking, it’s a Christmas Extravaganza, of course they brought Jesus out.  But truthfully I thought this was an ode to Santa and Jesus is my least favorite part of Christmas. I’m Jewish!  I didn’t come here to see Jesus, bring me back Santa!!  So Jesus comes out and they all start bowing to him and camels walk across the stage and wise men and all that.  The whole thing seems to go on forever, I tell my sister that thank goodness it’s not an Easter Spectacular, that would be messy and thankfully they return to Santa very shortly.

Now, the show is over and we are already dressed for the party and have some time to kill and ideally would like to give bag a home before the party starts so obviously we head to wine bar.  I really don’t know how you didn’t see that one coming.

So we head to a wine bar in Chelsea, bag joins because again scheduling mishaps have prevented him from finding a home and what trip to NY would be complete without a stop in a wine bar.

We enjoy our wine and then at the last second when it really looks like bag is about to experience it’s first engagement party, the stars align and bag goes to the apt.

The hoodlum and I continued on without bag to the party, and we had a lovely time.

The moral of this story is if you are as bad at scheduling as I have become, make sure that you befriend a very small portable bag, and make sure you treat him well.  You never know when he’ll have to take Manhattan…